Parenting Programme brings Bedworth family together
Warwickshire County Council’s Extended Services team has been helping families in a pioneering parenting programme.
The Family Links Nurturing Programme, otherwise called the Parenting Programme, is aimed at parents of children under 12.
Parents learn effective parenting strategies and how to promote their child’s development and look at four principles that are essential for the family; self-awareness, empathy, expectation and positive discipline.
The ten week course is provided by Extended Services as part of the county council’s pledge to achieve the Every Child Matters outcomes. Among the core offers of extended services, is parenting support and family learning. Usually courses are provided at schools but the Parenting Programme has been held at the Bedworth Family Centre.
Hawkesbury Village-based mother of two, Bal Sidhu Takhar, spoke to the teachers of her five year old daughter,Amrita and found that she had a tendency not to do as she was told, that she was reticent in class and that she had to be instructed to act.
Bal recognised that this might not be solved by dealing directly with her daughter; perhaps there was scope for her to look at her own parenting.
“Whilst she was by no means an exceptionally ill-behaved child, I was aware that how my daughter was acting was likely to reflect my relationship with her. I recognised that this course could help me make the necessary tweaks to how we acted around each other to improve our relationship as a family and thus daughter’s behaviour.”
Working with the class co-ordinator, Bal was encouraged to look at her own habits. She identified a propensity for dictating what her daughter did, denying her the chance to make her own choices. Other parts of the course, in which parents looked at their relationships with their children, showed Bal that her family’s circumstances had made life difficult for Amrita.
When her son, now 17 months, was born, he was premature and had to be operated on as his bowel was obstructed. Naturally, the family focussed on him as he was hospitalised for nearly two months in Birmingham.
For Amrita, the effect was traumatic as she received less and less attention and when she was spoken to, it was more negative than had previously been the case.
The Parenting Programme looks at the family as a whole rather than a specific child. Course co-ordinator, Lis Blaxhall, encourages parents to negotiate and solve problems, with an emphasis on encouragement and praise. She said:
“For every behaviour there is an explanation. We look at the knock on effects of an adult’s feelings and how to build positive feelings in children. The parents who attend aren’t just here for an instant solution to their children’s problems; they are looking at making the ideal environment for all of the family’s relationships to flourish.”
Bal was soon able to make changes to how she acted with her daughter that had immediate positive effects.
Giving her daughter a choice. Where Amrita might have asked for a food before the evening meal and be told ‘No,’ she is now told that if she has something now, she won’t be able to have anything later.
Praising. Working on the principle that a child should be praised consistently, Bal has changed her own expectations of what her daughter can achieve. By expecting less, she appreciates the efforts her daughter makes and is much quicker to praise. Amrita had always sought praise – now she receives it without asking.
Quality time. Friday evenings are devoted to Amrita and mother and child play board games together. “I can’t wait to get her started on Monopoly!”, says board-game fan Bal. Saturdays are given over to dance class.
The benefits are immense for the family. Bal has had positive reports back from school that Amrita’s concentration levels have greatly improved and that there has been marked improvement in her reading.
Bal says: “The Parenting Programme is about making the very most of your family and about preventing small problems becoming larger ones. Since putting into place some of what we worked on with the course co-ordinator, I have enjoyed a closer, happier relationship with my daughter and the effect this has had on her at school shows that she has benefitted immensely too.”
Councillorr Izzi Seccombe, Warwickshire County Council portfolio holder for Children, Young People and Families, said: “There are a range of courses on offer through Extended Services that are attended by parents which can create a better environment at home, one in which every family member can achieve their full potential.
“Every family can benefit from looking at how members interact with each other. I am delighted that Bal’s attendance at the programme has had such a positive outcome.
"Parenting is a difficult task; it shows a rare intelligence to realise you do not know everything and a rare humility to do something about it. Bal and the other parents who attend these courses should be congratulated for possessing both these qualities.”